The Final Chapter

Oh my little blog, how I have abandoned you this semester. Have you missed me these past four (!!!) months?? I'm sorry to have left you hanging for so long; here's what's been happening since we last connected. School has been over for a few weeks now. The day after school ended, I turned 27, and the day after THAT, I did a bit of traveling trough the south and in Malaysia. But now I'm back in Bangkok, and fly home in exactly one week. The one word I can think of to describe how I feel about it all is "bittersweet."

Things About Going Home I Am Amped About: - seeing family and friends - staying in my actual house - eating loads of American food (helloooo Chipotle and Chopt) - Thanksgiving and Christmas - driving a car - being able to flush toilet paper - SWEATER WEATHER - being able to communicate with everyone around me - free TV (thanks mom and dad) - real delicious home cooked meals (BIG thanks mom) - going for a run without fear of heat stroke or getting hit by a car

Things About Thailand That I Will Miss: - super cheap eveything - wai-ing people and saying sawatdee kaaaa (I may just keep this up) - getting an awesome massage for under $10 whenever the mood strikes - fresh fruit all over the damn place and the SMOOTHIES!! Passionfruit and pineapple smoothies, you are my kryptonite. - wearing flip flops every damn day - practicing my Thai skills on the reg - having every second of every day be a cultural experience - commuting via motorsai - the beaches <3333 - my adorable students and my coteachers, and all the new friends I've made - all the super friendly Thai people - hopping on a plane and spending the weekend in a different country

It's sort of a "damned if you do, damned if you don't" situation. But while I have loved (and sometimes hated, let's be honest) life in Thailand, and the country will always hold a special place in my heart, it's nearly time to close this chapter in my life and move onto the next challenge. And so, Thailand, I say to you, "Khob khun mak ka, and sawatdee ka."

1,000!

1,000 views! Wowza! Never thought I would hit this milestone, so thanks to all the readers out there! You guyz rool.

Popping In

Can you just "pop in" to your own blog? I think you can. Anyway, I'm doing just that so I inform all of you loyal readers (hi Dad) that I'm working on posts about the rest of my G.S.E.A.S. and about being back at school! Which just started! Yeah! In the meantime, here's a terrifying owl in Bangkok:

Feels Like I Only Go Backwards

It's been exactly 3 months (and one day) since I arrived in Thailand. Everything I've read about culture shock says that this is around the time when the initial honeymoon feeling wears off, and the shock really begins. For me though, I think it came in reverse. I spent probably the first month and a half in Thailand really frustrated and overwhelmed. Since I arrived a few days late, I felt like I had to play catch-up to my fellow teachers. Though they had only been here a couple days longer than me, they had already made friends, explored Bangkok some, and were picking up the language. I felt like a huge fish out of water. In retrospect, I think I was still pretty stressed from my whole "stuff getting stolen" ordeal and being thrown into the middle of orientation didn't help much.

When we finally got to Salaya, it wasn't much better. Just trying to get groceries was a huge undertaking, and my normal comforts and stress relievers were nowhere in sight. I consider myself a pretty adaptable and patient person, but this was challenging me like nothing else before. There were a lot of tearful days where I thought to myself, "Holy shit, did I just make the biggest mistake of my life? What the hell am I doing here?! I am clearly more of Western European gal."  If you had told me 3 or 4 years ago that I would make the decision to move to Asia for a year, I would have laughed so hard and said, "Yeah, okay, and then I'll become pope after that." Asia had never interested me as much as Europe, so when Thailand wasn't fitting perfectly, I thought maybe my year-plus-long plan to move here had been a dream or a delusion. Though there were good days or moments that validated the move, they didn't come around as often as I might have liked.

Fast forward to Month 3, and I am finally feeling more comfortable here. The smells don't bother me as much, I can navigate the market and buy food, and Thai sounds much more like a language as opposed to just gibberish, not to mention I can catch a word here and there!  Sure, there are some days where all I want is a huge bowl of guacamole and a Fenway Frank, but the the homesickness is not nearly so acute.

Though three months doesn't seem like that much, especially since my contract is for a year, we are only about six weeks away from the end of the semester (and summer vacation!!). The six-month teachers are winding down their stay here, while I feel like I am just hitting my stride. At one month, I was afraid of being honest when someone asked me, "So, do you like Thailand?" But ask me now, and I can say that though it took a while and the relationship is still complicated, I do.

Tourist vs. Resident

Before I left the U.S., I must have answered the question "What are you doing?" a million times. When I told people that I was teaching in Thailand, that usually prompted some response detailing their familiarity with the country: "OH! I went on vacation there last year!" "I know a girl who taught there!" "My best friend's cousin was in Bangkok once.. I think.."

My automatic reply was "So, did you/they/he/she like it?" and the overwhelming answers were YES YES A THOUSAND TIMES YES. People adored it, they had the most amazing time, what an incredible place. "You are going to LOVE IT there!!!" Needless to say, this led to a build up in my mind of Thailand being a paradise -- the most BALLIN place on Earth -- and questioning why I didn't make the move earlier.

Well, after 6 weeks, the jury is still out on whether I love it or not, but I have come to the (probably obvious) realization, that the experience of visiting the country for a couple weeks is polar opposite from living here and engaging in daily Thai life. When people come for vacation, they visit the historical temples, chill on the beach for a few days, and explore gritty Bangkok. They get the briefest taste of what Thailand is all about, and it's specially curated for the tourist and their delicate sensibilities. What they don't see is the life that regular Thais lead.

Daily life in Thailand involves dirt, litter, and stray dogs.. all in massive numbers. And when it's hot and humid (which is, uh, every day), it STANKS. I have to ride a motorbike to school 5 minutes down the street because there's no sidewalk and I would probably get hit by a car flying down the four lane road if I tried to walk on the side. When it rains, it floods because there's terrible drainage everywhere, so good luck getting anywhere.

Traffic is pure insanity: I am talking bumper to bumper any time of day, any day of the week. Recently, it has been even worse (how is it possible?!) because of the enormous protests in Bangkok.. but that's another post for another day. School has its own set of frustrations; let's just say the Thai school system makes American schools look like finely tuned machines filled with perfect angels.

Tourists relaxing at a resort don't have to battle with the language day in and day out; they don't have to deal with the simple task of buying a movie ticket turning into a ten minute ordeal involving five movie theater employees (true story). They don't find themselves standing in the aisle at Tesco Lotus, staring at the shelf and trying to figure out which box is dish soap and which one is laundry detergent.

And frankly, they don't have to contemplate a run-of-the-mill Thai menu. This is not your American pad thai, y'all. I'm talking fermented fish and other crazy stuff. I will admit that this stuff may appeal to some, and I am a lifelong picky eater, but after a while you just find yourself pining for a grilled cheese or a steak. In an upcoming post I will compare just how big the difference is between the menus from real Thai restaurants and ones in America.

This probably sounds like one big bitch-fest, and in a way, it is. I've been frustrated with a lot of the things here (yay culture shock!) but it's all part of the process. There are, however, plenty of things about this country that are incredible and that I enjoy. I love how friendly Thais can be, I love being able to travel on the weekends and do some pretty sweet stuff, and all the while, I'm having an experience like no other.

I'm still learning how to navigate Thailand, and discovering what I like about it. Really getting to know a place doesn't happen overnight, and it will probably take a couple more months, so until then, I will just have to practice saying "mai bpen rai" when I really want to say something else.. and maybe take up meditation. For real this time.