It wasn't supposed to start this way. I had done everything right: bought everything I thought I would need, done all the paperwork. I thought that the more things I got, the "better prepared" I was, the less anxious I would be. I told myself that if all my bases were covered, I would have a little more peace of mind. In the end, none of that mattered.
“The very first noble truth of the Buddha points out that suffering is inevitable for human beings as long as we believe that things last—that they don’t disintegrate, that they can be counted on to satisfy our hunger for security.” ― Pema Chödrön
Buddhism, which is the main religion of Thailand, teaches us that craving things of this world leads to suffering, since they never last and they can't satisfy us. This lesson slapped me in the face just three hours before I was set to depart from the US, when my brother's car was broken into and all my luggage, everything I needed for my year in Thailand, was stolen. I had put so much weight into having all the things I needed, that when they were gone in an instant, I was left feeling vulnerable, completely unprepared, and distraught. All of a sudden everything I was anxious about hours earlier seemed really petty and silly, and I quickly realized that I would have to head out to Thailand with significantly less "stuff" than I had anticipated. Though I might not feel as prepared the second time around, it would have to do, since I didn't really have a choice.
I have definitely had some moments where I think to myself, "It would be great if I had XYZ.. oh wait, I did, in my original suitcase," but the feeling passes pretty quickly, especially since there's no point in dwelling on it. It was a lot easier to travel for 24+ hours with only one suitcase to worry about.. no overpacking here! And it's an excuse to go shopping for Thai things!
Things are impermanent, and not what life should revolve around. We can't rely on things to make us feel safe or provide us with fulfillment. Having more things won't help me learn Thai (Di-chan mai kao jai), teach my students, or adjust to life here. You could say that the experience was also my introduction to the Thai attitude of "mai bpen rai" which means "don't worry."
Until next time, I will leave you with a view of an elephant ride in the River Kwae: